Can you survive a long-term relationship?

Humans are complex individuals, and when you put them together, conflict is inevitable. From fights with siblings to disagreements in the workplace, friction is part of life. It does not leave anyone untouched. The couple living off welfare and a successful one in a prestigious profession like Faris CPA will still go through hard times.

It appears however that this has not hit home. Statistics have put the odds of divorce at 50 percent, with the statistics getting higher in subsequent marriages. Those unable to understand that just as other areas in life, relationships are hard and need work. Without it, it will likely fall into divorce. Some reasons warrant immediate separation such as one’s life is in danger. However, others are everyday issues that when they remain unresolved, cause a rift. 

There are indicators in both married and unmarried couples that show a relationship is unlikely to last. While there is hope should you both purpose to get help and change, for others, it requires bracing for what is ahead.

Trust is not present

While sketches on women looking at their men’s phone are peppered with humor, it shows a much larger problem. For any relationship across the board to survive, trust is essential. Anything else brings anxiety and heightened awareness of an impending argument. Cheating and doing other things behind a partner’s back are all grounds losing trust in someone, and getting it back is genuinely an uphill task.

On the part of the person who broke the trust, it requires giving up some freedoms and increase their level of accountability. It shows a willingness to repair the broken trust, and a change in their character. For the other person, while it is laborious, it requires one to be open about the possibility of reform. Honesty is valuable, and without it, a wedge in the relationship is inevitable.

You fight all the time

Both verbal and physical fights are an indication that a relationship is on the rocks. Unless both parties get help for their union, it is advisable that they split. When such instances spill over into public spaces, it is an indication that you do not respect the other person, yourself and those around you. Having full-on fights of that nature is also a telling sign of poor communication skills.

If you find that you have conflict over everything, then you are likely not compatible. Having a singular interest bringing you together, particularly physical, is not enough to sustain a relationship into the long-term.

You fight dirty

Arguments can either be healthy or toxic. If your fights center on attacks and criticism, then you ought to reassess your relationship. A pointer that you or your partner is fighting dirty is showing contempt or disgust in the other person. These emotions surface when one perceives they are superior over another. It often manifests in conversations or questions that challenge another person’s character or mental capacity.

Extreme examples are rolling eyes or rudely mimicking the other person, and pointing at one’s head saying “think.” If your relationship has escalated to where one or both parties are displaying such behavior, then you have likely lost all respect for each other. Being around someone you disrespect is a recipe for hurt feelings and a breakdown in the relationship.

Lost intimacy

When most people hear the word “intimate” or “intimacy,” they automatically think of sex. However, that is not the case. Intimacy goes beyond the realm of sex into matters of the heart and soul. It is the willingness to be vulnerable in front of your partner. It also involves fostering a space where trust, honesty, acceptance, and security can thrive.

When a person does not indeed feel safe to reveal their exact thoughts or emotions, it is an indication of lost intimacy. Apart from the feeling, another telling sign that you do not have the spark is if you typically do not touch. Reciprocity is essential, where both initiate at different times and the other responds. The more touching there is between couples, the stronger their bond is. Therefore, sex should not be the only indicator of intimacy. Showing interest, being present, a willingness to please the other and showing empathy are all signs of a healthy intimate relationship.

You opt out of emotive conversations

An inability to share strong emotions is also a sign that your relationship is headed for trouble. If your instinct is to suppress, then it shows that you do not trust each other at deep level. If you opt to go silent and be cold, it’s equally a signal that you have been deeply hurt before and have decided to tune out our feelings to avoid a repetition.

Calling pointless any attempts to fix the hurt and get back to talking and expressing emotions shows you have given up. Unless there is change on both sides or on the person who has shut out feelings, the relationship is will likely not make it. It is either that or years of silence and sidestepping the other.

What can you do?

A willingness to change is vital to the long-term survival of relationships. Everyone ought to take responsibilities for the ways they are difficult to love and work on them. When things are tough, it is not always gloom and doom. There is a point of return, but only if each person commits to making it work.

If the above points (and others that might have crossed your mind) ring as true to you, consider having a conversation with your partner. A word of caution to you; do not use the same approach that you have in the past when addressing difficult talks. Instead, consider taking time to work on yourself first. That begins with a mind shift and purposing to be a better person.

As you develop yourself and learn better communication skills that reflect love, you will find a way to let your truth known. It will be an uphill task, but ultimately worth it when done right.